I was catching up on my PolyWeekly podcast listening and the current show is about cheating. (Btw, you should check it out: http://polyweekly.com.) This is something that I’ve been uncomfortably close to for a while, what with still not really successfully dealing with a now ex-partner.
I’ve known this person for some years and we had been quietly avoiding the subject of dating. I’ve done the long-distance thing and I’m not fond of it. But when the phone calls from an employer in my area started, he began chasing after me hard. With several long conversations on the subject of responsible relationships, I let him catch me. A couple of months (and visits for various purposes) later the job came through and he was suddenly local. With him came a partner I had only met a few times, but was repeatedly assured was totally on board with everything. After all, they had both been involved with other people before.
Well, there was a small issue. Said partner was not, in fact, in agreement nor even aware of what was going on. Something that came out in spectacularly ugly fashion over the next couple months thanks to bad communication all around. Tip Number One: when your other partner goes nuclear, having finally put the pieces together, do not neglect to mention this. Tip Number Two: when your partner asks why your other partner is upset and doesn’t want to talk, don’t try to brush it off as not relevant. (Bonus points for avoiding direct questions.)